Wheelchairs and Cartwheels

My doctor said these words to me today:

"Susana, it is amazing that after six years, you are not in a wheelchair. And you have absolutely no deformities. It's just amazing."

Oh yeah. Praise God.

(Whaaa?)

Let me explain:

I have aggressive Rheumatoid Arthritis.

I've had it for six and a half years. I really have a bad case of the stuff, actually. And there have been times where I couldn't step out of bed because the floor felt like broken glass, and I couldn't brush my hair because my elbows wouldn't bend far enough, and I couldn't lift my kids because my knee caps felt like they were separating from my legs. By all accounts, I should have the unsightly arthritic hands by now, and I should be using a walker for the deformed knees and ankles I should have by now.

The truth: I could probably do a cartwheel. (Please don't ask me to do a cartwheel. I said I could, not would. Although I probably should while I still can.) By God's grace and the gift of modern medicine (and the help of really good insurance) I have defied the odds of this debilitating disease. I can play my guitar. I can dance. I can pick up my kids. I have not had bad inflammation in nearly two and a half years. I recently ran a freakin' 5k, for goodness sake.

Praise God.

I totally forgot -- until my rheumatologist pointed it out -- that I have so much reason to thank God. It's easy to overlook stuff when the cards are good.

But it reminded me of some other things, too. Things that are gifts.

Healthy Kids

Loving Husband

Food

House

Breath

Life

Jesus

For all the things I usually take for granted, thank you, Lord.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Messiah Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Psalm 146

Call it cheating if you want to. But these words here are the only words I've had lately. They're just not my original words. But they're more powerful and meaningful and amazing than anything that's come from my lips. Ever.

To be read aloud (trust me on this):

Psalm 146

Praise the LORD.

Praise the LORD, O my soul.

I will praise the LORD all my life;

I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.

Do not put your trust in princes,

in mortal men, who cannot save.

When their spirit departs, they return to the ground;

on that very day their plans come to nothing.

Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,

whose hope is in the LORD his God,

the Maker of heaven and earth,

the sea, and everything in them—

the LORD, who remains faithful forever.

He upholds the cause of the oppressed

and gives food to the hungry.

The LORD sets prisoners free,

the LORD gives sight to the blind,

the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down,

the LORD loves the righteous.

The LORD watches over the alien

and sustains the fatherless and the widow,

but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.

The LORD reigns forever,

your God, O Zion, for all generations.

Praise the LORD.

Distractions

There has been this constant thread in my life for the past year and a half to two years. It's one I've periodically ignored, but that has consistently pursued me. And occasionally brought me to my knees. And here I am again. After a period of low hum, it's shouting at me again. And at 4:30 in the morning on a weekday, I'm finally quiet enough to let it wash over me.

More simplicity.

Less distraction.

It's amazing how easy that sounds. And how difficult it can be to implement. I want so badly to open the scriptures and learn how to do this. But alas, there is no Fox 3:16 that says, "Stop wasting your life with hilarious nonsensical drivel and read your stinking bible." And there's no Schedule 5:27 that says, "Be not like a chicken with its head removed, but slow down and fellowship with other believers." I have to remember that in biblical times, there were -- by nature -- less distractions. Or different ones, anyway. But definitely more silence.

And yet, I already know how to get there. I know that nothing replaces time spent with God. In prayer, in His word. It's like if I were trying to improve my relationship with my husband by thinking about him more while running errands in my car. Uh, no. That won't quite do it. It's the time. It's the one on one. God wants some face time, maybe some actual conversation.

So, I'm back to the empowered "Just say no" phase that I love and hate at the same time. I'm saying no to some things that I have the audacity to call "necessary", and some things that I just really "like" to do, and replacing them with Him whom I love. (And maybe a little extra face time for husband and kids, too. Bonus.) I already feel a sense of relief.

Less is more, here, folks.

It's so hard to remember that when I'm stuck in the whirlwind. It's easy to say, "I'm just so busy." It's a bad excuse when I've only done it to myself. But when I make my delight in Him, remove distractions, and I listen and obey, there's a beautiful picture that emerges from the frantic fog. There is clarity, humility, and a reordering of priorities. God sits on the universal, eternal, and most powerful throne. And everything else comes in a distant second.

Villages

I often speak of the unbelievable support and benefit of having my family so close by. 39 members of my family living in the Austin area. 32 within a five-mile radius. We are an anomaly, no doubt. Functional marriages, happy kids, love for Jesus, and a desire to actually spend time with one another. I can safely say that nearly every day I speak to at least two or three family members, (and I only get sick of them sometimes). We are in community with one another, raising kids together, and are each others' first go-to in times of joy and celebration, and in times of need or sorrow.

I know that not everyone has this. It's a blessing.

What is probably an African proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child," is also backed by scripture. Yes, it's nice to have my brother and his wife take my kids so I can get a date night with my husband. And it's so cool that my kids have tons of cousins that are their first best friends, and that we all love each others' kids as if they were our own. But I think it takes a village to get through life, too. Not just in the kid department. And this is where the scripture comes in.

Where kids need discipline and reinforcement through love and acceptance, we as adults also need people who speak truth into our lives. "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

If you don't have the benefit of close family, you probably have (or need to build) a spiritual family. People who are in your lives, in your kids lives, in your business. And people who have investment in your well being. People who carry your burdens, and whose burdens you carry. Whether it is spiritual burdens, financial burdens, child-rearing burdens, or burdens of sin, as the context of the scripture presents.

Don't get me wrong. We all need to carry our own load. We're not to continue in being a burden (see v 4 and 5). But don't be surprised when your load becomes light because of all those around you who are carrying similar burdens in close proximity. That's what happens when you live in true fellowship.

Today, I am reminded what a gift I have. I love my village. I thank God for each person.

Unanchored

Unanchored.

This is how I’ve been feeling lately. Like a boat at sea. I’ve been casting my nets here and there, trying to catch the fish. But I’ve lost my bearings. I don’t know where the shore is, and I don’t know which way I should go.

Then I remember my anchor. Yes. I have an anchor. I could go left right north south east west, but first I must get my bearings. And in order to do that, I must first stop, drop my anchor, and figure out where I am. I must plunge the deep before I move on.

The LORD is my anchor; praise His name. I must fix fast onto the scriptures, make my mooring in prayer, in His peace. Or I’ll end up floating wherever the wind takes me. This life can’t be lived left right north south east west. It has to start with the depth of the scripture, with the depth of prayer, with the depth of relationship with the Living God.

Then, the way is made known. The skies open, the compass points north, and water is made clear.

Let the journey begin again.

“The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation. He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior.” 2 Samuel 22:1-3

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Embracing the Mess

If I had it all together, a cataclysmic event might occur.

As it stands, you can usually find me shoving the kids in the car, keys and purse flying, spilling coffee out of the to-go cup, franticly arranging bed-head hair, peeling out of the driveway at the very last possible second to get to [insert location] on time. I look at the calendar by the 1/2 day, okay? I'm feeling good to get six hours of sleep and a pot of coffee in the morning. Sometimes I feel like

I
never
stop
going.

To tell the truth, if I DID have it all together... I might need therapy.

I do well in the mess.

I don't understand my contemporaries who say that they're bored at home. Whaaa? Whenever I have two or three days in a row where I'm relaxing with a cup of coffee and a good book on the couch, I start to feel restless. Don't get me wrong, I LOOO-OOOOVE (luh-huv) a cup of coffee and a good book on the couch. But then I start to think, Hmmm... What crazy ambitious project can I take upon myself so I won't get any sleep for the next two weeks? And then I start to turn the cranks.

Well, I'm there now. Running/cranking/shoving/spilling/peeling.

But I'm ready for the coffee/book/couch. Thankfully, it's as just a day away. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow.

So, I don't have any biblical wisdom to impart today. Just a reminder to myself to make some more room in the margins. Or put my projects in the margins, and make some room in the middle. I'm really feeling the "each day has enough trouble of it's own" vibe right now.

See you on the other side.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34