But I think, right now, I just need to meditate on the word meditate.
My mind is going 47 different directions this month. Commitments and responsibility... fuggettaboutit. I'm up to my eyeballs in them.
So, maybe I need to meditate.
I wish this were a word that meant the same as the "be still" in Psalm 46:10. You know the one, "Be still and know that I am God." That one literally means to cease striving. Which is what I'd like to do right now.
But this meditate word. Pshew. Not so easy.
Joshua 1:8 "Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it."
This one means to not only to muse, but to groan, utter, speak. I mean, I get that it means different things in different contexts. But it's an action, not a stillness. It's the repetition, the constancy of thought and audible words, the low murmur of His faithfulness that we are to allow into the rhythm of our lives.
I can't 'cease striving' right now. Seriously, my cheeks haven't felt the couch cushions in weeks. It's bucket seat to bed to bucket seat to bed in an endless routine of errands and carpools and last-minute to-dos. The sliding door on my van is actually coming apart from serious overuse.
But allowing God's word into my heart every morning, setting my mind on him and his faithfulness, well, that's another story. That brings God into my words, into my actions, into my very breath. That's meditation. Even though my body says PTAing, scouting, volunteering, carpooling, working, etc etc, the spirit in my heart and the words from my mouth belong to the Lord and speak to his love, his faithfulness, his kindness, his mercy.
I know there is a time to be still. I hope it's coming soon.
But until then, I make my soundtrack with the words of the scripture. My holy playlist of Psalms and Torah and Letters and Gospel. And I meditate.
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14